Thoughts of food or exercise can be company at such empty times. As lonely as they are, eating-disordered people are often more comfortable with food than they are with developing meaningful relationships. Eating-disordered people have great difficulty trusting people and relationships. Some people fear losing themselves or their own identities in their attempts to please another person.
Others fear that the other person will take over, dominating them and leaving them little room to be themselves. Jody, a year-oid compulsive overeater, had trouble letting others get near her for fear she would give up control just as she always had with her mother. It could be anything from changing batteries in my radio to cleaning up my room.
I guess she was just taking care of me, but I felt like she was controlling everything and I came to believe I couldn't take care of myself Now, I worry about this whenever I get close to anyone else.
I'm so confused about this that my relationships are always in turmoil. Many recovered compulsive overeaters have to contend with the fear of getting close to people after they have lost weight. Sexual intimacy is one aspect of emotional relatedness that can be avoided through binging and weight gain. At pounds, it wasn't much of a worry.
I wasn't even aware of my terror till I lost the weight and men began to notice me. Then, what I had been avoiding all these years hit me. What an eye-opener-even at pounds I felt inadequate and unworthy. So it wasn't the weight after all, it was me. As we said earlier in this chapter, girls often feel differently about their awn anger and aggression than boys. Anger and aggression are very natural feelings that are the bases of healthy assertion.
But with girls who grow up to develop eating disorders, angry, aggressive feelings are seen as bad and unacceptable. This often leads to difficulty managing these feelings.
I'm supposed to be polite and make sure I don't hurt anyone's feelings. I guess I learned that in spades. As soon as I feel myself to be demanding or angry, I feel terrible and selfish. With food, though, I can let this out. I tear at if and eat with my hands. If anyone ever saw me, they wouldn't believe I'm the same person.
I'm in my own world and I don't care about anyone else. If they saw me they'd know how selfish 1 can be, how angry, how I don't really care about anyone; it would be a disaster. But at least when I'm binging, no one gets hurt-except, I guess, me.
A child or teenager in conflict about her natural feelings of anger and aggression grows up to be an adult with equal difficulties. Only the context of her conflict broadens. Jennifer, a year-old corporate executive, describes how the requirements of her work clash head-on with her discomfort asserting herself:. Whenever I have to assert myself, which is often at this job, I feel like I've done something wrong. Then, I go straight for the food. Somehow when I'm eating, I can forget about how badly it all makes me feel.
For the eating-disordered person who wants exclusively to be a nice, pleasing person, the experience of anger and consequent aggression can be very disruptive. Some people manage that experience by dissociating the anger from themselves. This means that they feel like they become someone else when they binge.
When I'm binging, I'm like a different person. I'll be nasty and not care about others. Usually, I'm a very nice person-too nice. Usually, I'm the one who fakes care of everyone else first and my own needs and feelings come last. Other people have described this aspect of themselves as being "an ogre," a "derelict," or "it's the dark side of me. It is the "monster" that represents much that feels bad, out of control, ugly, and distasteful about the sufferer.
In the case of bulimics, this monster is undone by purging; in the case of anorexia, defeated by control. In either case, the feeling of being in a battle with oneself is a part of daily life.
For many women in our society, the possibility of success and the consequent feelings of competency can generate serious conflict. It can go against the grain of the role of caretaker and puts women in a position of authority which they may unconsciously undermine.
Eating-disordered women are particularly vulnerable to such conflict. They feel guilty and undeserving when they taste success. Lauren, years-old, and a compulsive overeater, found that whenever she did well at her job as an advertising executive, she would go home and binge. As she explored her experience, it became clear that binging was a way to sabotage her success. I feel like I'm defying the gods. This wasn't meant to be. I start to worry what others will think of my achievements, and humiliation creeps up on me.
I'm sure they're going to be thinking I don't deserve this. The binging not only numbed Lauren's uncomfortable feelings, but silently undid the success she would achieve at work.
Rachel, a year-old bulimic, also struggled with the disquieting effects of achievement, but differently:. Then, I begin to doubt it--my achievement and their opinion of it.
I destroy it. I think they are just telling me that I did well because they feel sorry for me or because they are worried about me. I have to take it all away. Sometimes, I think if I really believed I did something well, the pressure to keep it up would kill me. Part of me doubted everything. It was the worst feeling--like I didn't know who I was.
When I ate, though, all those feelings stopped and I could start over again-l could study, or watch TV, or talk with my family and I'd be fine. Before that, though, I felt like I was just 'losing it. Anxiety is a signal. It can be a very useful tool, alerting us to situations or events that make us feel vulnerable. And with this awareness we can marshal our coping skills. For example, if the idea of an upcoming exam makes us anxious, the tension and uneasiness can be powerful motivators to study.
Anxiety provides the opportunity to prepare for the event by anticipating the possible difficulties. Anxiety gives us the opportunity to act to protect ourselves in potentially difficult situations. People with eating disorders have difficulty using anxiety as a signal to cope. Because they often feel themselves incapable of dealing with stress, the anxiety becomes a signal of impending doom, a flag that whatever is coming will be emotionally overwhelming.
Anxiety is something to be gotten rid of, not listened to. Therefore, the experience of anxiety is often the trigger of a binge or of a tightening of controls and intensified restriction in the case of anorexia. While these behaviors numb the anxiety, they do nothing to help the person prepare for or protect against the actual cause of the anxiety.
Because the symptoms of binging, vomiting, exercising, or starving can be so disruptive and frightening, it is easy to pay attention only to those behaviors. To do so, however, misses the point.
The overt symptoms are just the tip of the iceberg. Beneath the surface lies a much larger piece of the picture-a complicated and complex world of feelings and experiences that are very much a part of the eating disorder. Both the visible and invisible parts need to be acknowledged in order to understand the disorders of bulimia, anorexia, and compulsive overeating. For further explanation or understanding, please read other chapters in this book, Surviving an Eating Disorder, by Siegel, Brishman, and Weinshel.
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What's Going On Inside? After several months in this group and when she was feeling less isolated and frightened, Joyce was able to pay attention to the connection between her eating and her feelings of anxiety and discomfort: "I have this perpetual knot in my stomach. Jill, a year-old anorexic, describes her experience: "When I was starving myself, all I felt was that I had to.
Jennie, a year-old overweight college student who was very pretty in spite of 60 excess pounds, describes the phenomenon this way: "I wonder about why I can't lose the weight.
With or without excess weight, Jennie felt herself to be unlovable and undesirable. Allison, a year-old bulimic, describes what food does for her: "I start to feel a terror, like a big, black cloud that creeps up. My thoughts start to race so fast I don't know what they are. It's bizarre to me that I can feel secure with a stranger. Said one year-old coed who would binge and vomit several times nightly: "It got to be so that I would rather spend a Saturday night eating than with my friends.
Sara spoke of her periods of extreme depression: "These waves of lethargy and dullness would come over me. An Eating Disorder is an Emotional Anesthetic Whether or not she is clinically depressed, someone with an eating disorder always has a great deal of trouble acknowledging, accepting, and enduring many of her own feelings. Lyla, years-old, ten years bulimic, and now in treatment, talks about her use of food in this way: "Sometimes my head feels like it's going to explode.
Among the most common "don'ts" in the personal histories of people with eating disorders is don't be angry and don't be needy. Amy, a year-old bulimic, recently began to see how this fear affected her life. Feelings of Inadequacy: When someone grows up believing she should be stronger, more mature, more capable than her years, she meets these expectations outwardly. Abby, a year-old recovering bulimic, talks about these feelings: "At work I keep thinking that, at any minute, I'm going to be found out.
This feeling can occur despite the presence of other people. Fears of People: As lonely as they are, eating-disordered people are often more comfortable with food than they are with developing meaningful relationships.
Said Cindy, a year-old compulsive overeater: "I was afraid to let a man near me. Suzanne, years-old, put it this way: "I got the message loud and clear that my brothers are allowed to disagree, fight, and be aggressive. Some anorexic patients are helped by taking medicine that makes them feel less depressed.
These medicines are prescribed by a doctor and are used along with counseling. The most important thing that family and friends can do to help a person who has anorexia is to love them. People who have anorexia feel safe, secure, and comfortable with their illness.
Their biggest fear is gaining weight, and gaining weight is seen as loss of control. They may deny they have a problem. People who have anorexia will beg and lie to avoid eating and gaining weight, which is like giving up the illness.
Family and friends should not give in to the pleading of the anorexic patient. People who have eating disorders do harmful things to their bodies because of their obsession about their weight. People who have anorexia may feel cold all the time, and they may get sick often.
They are often in a bad mood. They have a hard time concentrating and are always thinking about food. It is not true that anorexics are never hungry. Actually, they are always hungry. Feeling hunger gives them a feeling of control over their lives and their bodies.
It makes them feel like they are good at something—they are good at losing weight. People who have severe anorexia may be at risk of death from starvation.
National Eating Disorders Association. This article was contributed by: familydoctor. This information provides a general overview and may not apply to everyone. Talk to your family doctor to find out if this information applies to you and to get more information on this subject. You may hear conflicting reports from different sources. The U. Visit The Symptom Checker. Read More. Food Poisoning.
Acute Bronchitis. Eustachian Tube Dysfunction. Bursitis of the Hip. Abnormal Uterine Bleeding. High Blood Pressure. Home Diseases and Conditions Eating Disorders. Table of Contents. What is an eating disorder? What is anorexia? What is bulimia? What is binge eating? Symptoms of eating disorders. What are the warning signs of an eating disorder? The following are possible warning signs of anorexia and bulimia: Unnatural concern about body weight even if the person is not overweight.
Obsession with calories, fat grams, and food. Using any medicines to keep from gaining weight diet pills, laxatives, water pills. Eating large amounts of food at one setting and being overweight or obese.
Watch for these signs: Throwing up after meals. Fainting with no explanation. You may find that support groups are useful.
It can be comforting to talk to others who have had the same feelings and experiences. Anorexia youngminds. Anorexia nervosa - NHS www. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Eating Disorders verywellmind.
What is an eating disorder? What is an eating problem? Home A-to-z A Anorexia nervosa Anorexia nervosa People with anorexia try to keep their weight as low as possible by not eating enough, exercising too much, or both. What are the symptoms of anorexia? If you have anorexia, you may feel: afraid of putting on weight or being fat preoccupied with your weight unable to think about anything other than food as though your body is bigger or a different shape than it really is anxious, especially around mealtimes lacking in confidence and self-esteem irritable and moody that you have very high standards for yourself or you are a perfectionist.
The physical signs of anorexia include: weight loss lack of sexual interest difficulty sleeping dizziness hair loss constipation, bloating and stomach pains feeling cold and weak soft downy hair called lanugo growing all over your body difficulty concentrating low blood pressure periods stopping or becoming irregular.
Anorexia can affect your behaviour.
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